Your ex dumps you... but suggests you still remain friends. Is this a good idea, or is it an arrangement that s doomed to failure? Learning the many reasons why exes can t become friends will save you heartache and pain later on. Make sure you understand why the exboyfriend or exgirlfriend friendship is always a bad idea.
So you re cruising along, the relationship is going good, and then suddenly it happens: the breakup. Whether you left for your own reasons or your ex happened to dump you, you re left with many questions. Do I ever see this person again? Should I call them, email them, text them, or talk to them over the phone? Do I delete my ex from my Facebook friends page? What exactly is the proper friends with ex etiquette?
For many reasons, you simply cannot be friends with your ex. Most of the reasons are internal: one or both of you will always be jealous of the other person s successes both in love and outside of it. The other reasons come from outside either of your control: new people who come into your lives simply won t want the two of you in contact with each other. Why not? Primarily because you ve slept together.
Once you ve seen each other naked, it s impossible to go back to a platonic relationship again. Even friends with benefits run into these types of problems later on down the road: the desire to be a couple will always be greater on one end of the friendship than on the other. Even in the case where both people claim to be totally cool with not dating , there are still secret feelings and emotions that one or both of those people harbor for the other. And over time, those emotions turn bad... breeding jealousy and resentment.
Why can t exes become friends? Because you know too much. You were too close, too involved, and too wrapped up in an emotional bond with the person you dated. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to go on and have a life of his or her own, and they re going to start dating other people. When they do, how will that make you feel? Can you honestly be happy for them, or will you just go through the motions? How disingenuous will you act toward your ex when he or she begins seeing someone else, spending less and less time with you? And can you handle it when your ex s new lover keeps them away from you for good?
Being friends with your ex is easily accomplished in the weeks or even months after the relationship ends. Unfortunately however, it can t last forever. Forces are going to pull your friendship apart from every direction, as one or both of you begins to move on. While you re both still single, you can make an honest effort to carry on a platonic relationship. In some cases, exes can even sleep with each other with little jealousy or ill effects. But this type of pseudo friendship (or pseudo romance) can t go on forever. One person is always going to want just a little bit more than the other.
Before even considering whether exes can become friends, ask yourself a question: do you really want to be friends with your ex? Or are you just doing it to get close to them again? Because if you re still in love with your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend... friendship sure isn t going to make things better for you. In fact, it s going to make things far, far, worse.
Staying friends with your ex after breaking up is never really a possibility. Especially not if you still love and want your ex back in your arms again. You need to be honest with yourself, and with them. If you truly want to get back together with your ex and not just make friends with them you need to work toward that goal. There are several techniques for getting your ex to want you again, and instant methods that will put you right back in their thoughts. Learning these ways can make the difference between getting trapped in the Friend Zone or actually winning back the heart and soul of the person you love.
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